Tuesday, October 09, 2007

El top 5 de tu blog familiar (version 1.0)

Bien estimados pelamazos, hoy les escribo para traerles una gran y absoluta nada (para variar). Creo que antes no he hecho un ranking y si lo he hecho pues ya me olvidé y créeme…me vale verga acordarme.

El día de hoy les traigo algo sumamente macabro…así que si vas a seguir leyendo recomiendo que te tapes los ojos………………ya?...si leíste el “ya” significa dos cosas:

1) que te vale verga que sea macabro ya que eres muy macho(a) y te afeitas la barba (piernas si eres mujer) con un cuchillo de carnicero oxidado y luego te hechas un balde de alcohol industrial para cerrar los poros.

2) que después de taparte los ojos abriste el dedo medio y el anular lo que te hace un completo maricón perdido y que en este mismo momento debes sentir un escozor en el ano…..si es así no te preocupes…tu destino es ser penetrado…(veo una sonrisa en tu cara)…nota: las mujeres tienen derecho a hacerlo….después de todo….a ellas les toca aguantar...a menos que te guste clavar y seas lesbiana…si es así…deberías estar leyendo el punto 1…¿Qué haces acá?

Después de jugar un poco con su sexualidad procederé a continuar con este post aunque alguno de ustedes siga pensando profundamente si aquella mañana que despertaron con un brazo peludo a su alrededor y con un ardor anal profundo no significó mas que una mala borrachera.

¿De que chucha se trata esto? Pues simplemente del top 5 de las peores pendejadas que se inventaron para que las hagas en la infancia. Lo bueno del post es que podrás decir “Cómo chucha se me ocurrió hacer eso”, lo malo es que ya lo hiciste y ahora no podrás dormir mientras lo recuerdas.

Para hacer una breve introducción, te puedo decir que la infancia es la edad más bonita que te da la vida…………¿creíste eso? Entonces presiona la “X” en la parte superior derecha de esta ventana y tomate una jarra de cloro león a ver si se te aclara el cerebro porque la infancia es algo bien como la verga, habrá alguno que dirá “no, para nada…a mi me gustaba mucho jugar con mis muñequitos y pasear con mi cometa, andar en bicicleta y lloraba cuando mi mamá me iba a dejar a la escuela…ahh! Que bonita época”; amigo, te sugiero que le prendas velas a algún santo, le des las gracias y te azotes los pezones por no haber terminado maricón.

O al menos lo pensaras con el siguiente ranking traído a ustedes por caramelos COOL-EO, “la frescura de la mañana”. Si hiciste o te pasó alguna de estas huevadas, lee el premio que te puedes llevar

5
Las obras de teatro


Si hiciste de estas (y tuviste que haber hecho al menos una) te haces acreedor a una bolsa de basura usada con dos huequitos para que te escondas ante los que te recuerden de una de estas “obras”. Estas huevadas no tienen otro objetivo que hacer que los padres se maten de risa al ver las idioteces de otros niños que no son de ellos. ¿Qué sádico verdad? Mientras los pobres pelados se sacan la chucha porque para los manes es “importante”, los padres se jactan de tener al menos estúpido o al más gracioso. Un consejo para tus hijos, siempre diles que si les toca actuar pidan hacer de “árbol” para que le toque suave y a tu bolsillo también

4
Las fiestas infantiles


Si fuiste a alguna (y de seguro que fuiste) o peor aún si ORGANIZASTE una te ganas una semana entera en el pabellón “C” de la peni, con todos los gastos pagados y sin guardaespaldas para ver si lo olvidas. A parte de ser una perdida de dinero, tiempo, recursos del gobierno y huevadas afines es una mierda que no tiene sentido ni autonomía sintáctica….¿De verás?

¡NO! No lo tiene, porque es una huevada donde no haces nada, imaginate ver a los mismo hijueputas de lunes a viernes, para ahora verlos el Sábado!!!..dejate de huevadas!, luego llega el payaso que pone a todos a llorar del miedo y su truco del periódico y la leche (o agua). El final es la tristemente célebre “piñata” donde tienes suerte de sacar un reloj de plástico y algunos chocolates rancios, sin mencionar los golpes de los viejos mamavergas que se meten a agarrar por sus hijos ( de qué te ríes?...algún día atropellarás peladitos también…futuro mamaverga). Por suerte mis viejos siempre que nos invitaban compraban un shampoo barato, lo envolvían bien para que pareciera alguna huevada más lujosa, luego al llegar me tocaba fingir un ataque de epilepsia y nos regresábamos por las mismas dejando el shampoo y una buena fama de chiros.

3
“Que baile!, que baile!”

Si tuviste esa actitud rebelde al estilo de Vanilla Ice y te hacían bailar en todas las reuniones familiares entonces logras adquirir un serrucho infectado con sida para amputarte el pene o las tetas si eres mujer puesto que sin saberlo fuiste el payaso(a) de la familia durante mucho tiempo (te estás riendo? No lo creo!...jajjajaja). Siempre hay uno y sólo uno que baila para la familia durante 3 o 4 años, luego de esto, pasó la moda y creaste conciencia, así que hay que elegir al nuevo pendejo de la familia.

Ahora, si bailaste en la escuela para animar un acto escolar, eres el flamante ganador de un kilo de diablillos para que los ingieras ya que todos tus amigos de la escuelita te recordarán en todas sus reuniones (hasta que te vuelvas senil y mueras) y se burlarán hasta morirse ahogados así que es mejor que mueras antes de que esto pase… (Veo un rostro de preocupación en tu cara…John Petrucci 2 nunca se equivoca)

2
Si lloraste en la escuela o peor aún en el colegio (y seguro lo hiciste) te ganas un masaje…… en la próstata gratis con el doctor Marcelo “Donkey” Montaño (está bien si eres mujer…o no? Jajaja), ya que lloraste como la verga y la gente te va a recordar como “el llorón(a) mamaverga de la escuela”. Te doy tres razones por las que pudiste haber llorado ordenadas por grado de homosexualidad: de menor a mayor

A.) porque alguien te pegó: Si lloraste por esto fuiste un maricón por dejarte pegar y peor aún, científicamente las lágrimas no tienen nada que ver con que te saquen la chucha así lloraste por las huevas.


B) Por que sacaste malas calificaciones: Si lloraste por esto entonces aparte de llorón(a) eres bruto(a).


C) Por que un profesor te reto: Si lloraste por esto entonces necesitas ayuda psicológica y que te icen en la bandera con un palo metido en la nalga ya que no puede ser posible que venga un hijueputa que ni conoces y que con la pensión que pagas le estás dando de comer y te haga llorar cuando te encame huevadas.


1
Las amistades


Si aún conservas las amistades de tu escuela y crees que ellos son “lo máximo” y “los únicos” entonces eres el campeón de los mamavergas y te ganas una culeada con 3 negros, 2 burros, 5 perros y un gatito tierno porque la verdad es que tus amigos de la escuela son la mierda mas apestosa que existe…te reúnes con ellos (porque yo no lo hago) a hablar de lo mismo y lo mismo, “te acuerdas de la obra de teatro?”, “te acuerdas cuando lloraste”, “te acuerdas de la fiesta de Manuelito?” son preguntas comunes y perfectas ocasiones para que uses todo lo que has ganado hoy…aunque de repente te reúnes con alguna vieja amiga para comértela (eso si hago).

Fin, este ha sido el top 5 de las peores huevadas que pudiste haber hecho o te pudieron haber pasado mientras eras un cojudo mamaverga, agradezco todos los testimonios y ayuda proporcionados para la elaboración de este post (en otras palabras, ya se lo que hicieron y están chantajeados de por vida, revergantes)

Si se sienten heridos por este post y alguno de ustedes lo encuentra ofensivo entonces pueden llorar con sus amigos en una fiesta de la escuela y planear una obra de teatro, rehijosdeputa.

"Chucha!!!! Y Cogen la leche!!!! aaaaagggghhh!!! y la ponen en el periódico!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!YAYYY!!!!!! ABRACADABRA CHUCHA DE CABRA!!!! AAHHHHH!!!!
el payasito "pilón enamorado"...les dije que esto era macabro

Pd: si te pasó algo de lo antes mencionado, acércate a la estación de la 85 con tu cédula de identidad y un relato de tu experiencia infantil juramentado y verificado por un notario. Te regalaremos el premio acorde con tu historia y tus nos regalarás muchas sonrisas…GRACIAS DE ANTEMANO!.

86 Comments:

Blogger Atrapasueños said...

que de a verga, no se salva nadie de que le hayan hecho fiesta de cumpleaños

1:47 PM

 
Anonymous Eduardo said...

Falta la recitación del Día de la Madre o del Padre.

2:29 PM

 
Blogger Guillermex said...

chucha.. falta el nacimiento viviente, las recitaciones a la bandera, la tea olimpica en las olimpiadas, etc..etc.. tantas guevadas

10:51 AM

 
Blogger Tofu - sensei said...

Falta simplemente las veces que te hicieron cantar!! Puta madre, qué morbo con ver cantar al pelado la canción de moda! Pero más que sea alégrate de que en las fiestas teníamos un payaso y músicas para NIÑOS, no como ahora en que suena el reguetón gomero y el mamaverga de dizque "payaso" le obliga a los pelados a perrear y luego asalta a los padres! Y de las diez de la noche en adelante es la chupa de padres e hijos... que verga como se ha degenerado todo...

7:32 PM

 
Blogger Santhros ibn Shinu said...

Pana, déjame decirte que te faltó el verdadero Primer Lugar de Platino, que era participar vestido de terno recitando alguna pendejada en un programa infantil - no quiero decir Chispitas, por si acaso - eso si que era loser.

10:13 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

vos no cambias petrucci

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Blogger Chica MIgraña said...

chucha yo si tengo un cuñado que BAILO una cancion de MENUDO en un concurso de CHISPITAS.... jajajajaja


MGAC

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Blogger Chica MIgraña said...

falta a la eleccion de princesita de navidad o al niño dios, jajajaj

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Blogger Chica MIgraña said...

jajajaja el mismo cuñado que les digo y su primo bailaban breakdance en la sala de su casa previamente encerada!!! jajajaja

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Blogger Chiva_Force_One said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

12:40 PM

 
Blogger Chiva_Force_One said...

La verdad que todos hemos sido pendejos en algún momento, lo bueno es saber cuando empezar a encamarle huevadas a otro para salir del grupo, ya que hay algunos que se les quedo atorado el chupon en el culo y la mierda no tiene por donde salir que mediante comentarios, como ese hijueputa marido de tragafierro y que te dijo betancourt.

12:41 PM

 
Blogger Willy E. Coyote said...

3 containers ACME de verga...

Que hijueputa... nadie sale libre de esta...

Al menos yo recuerdo haberle pateado las bolas al payaso de la fiesta de mi prima...

Ese hijueputa tenia cara de pedofilo...

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Шадрин отметил, что "ЮКОС" не предложил даты проведения собрания, так как, согласно законодательству, совет директоров "Сибнефти" должен определить дату в течение пяти дней после получения такого требования.



"Мы считаем "Сибнефть" своим активом, так как "ЮКОСу" принадлежат 92 процента акций этой компании и поскольку существующие соглашения не считаются расторгнутыми", - сказал он.



Собрание акционеров может быть проведено в течение 70 дней с момента принятия советом директоров соответствующего решения. В случае отказа "Сибнефти" "ЮКОС" может самостоятельно провести внеочередное собрание акционеров ОАО "Сибнефть", заявил Шадрин.



Намечавшееся на 30 декабря собрание акционеров "Сибнефти", на котором предполагалось избрать новый совет директоров, не состоялось из-за отсутствия кворума, напоминает Reuters.



Обе компании должны были в прошлом году сформировать единый холдинг "ЮкосСибнефть", однако слияние не состоялось, и стороны в настоящее время ведут консультации об условиях "развода".



grani.ru/Economy/m.56920.html



ЮКОС Сибнефть, ЮкосСибнефть - слияние ЮКОСА и Сибнефти, собрание акционеров Сибнефти, ЮКОС продолжает считать Сибнефть своим активом
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